I’ve been wanting to start a blog for a long time but a few things kept holding me up. But I don’t really feel like writing about those right now. I just feel like starting. Most of my time is spent planning things out instead of jumping right in. Sometimes planning is a wise and admirable thing. And all those other times it is just an excuse to bypass something that scares you, a reason to not put yourself out there and an attempt to delay something until you feel in compete control (which never really happens). And you end up missing out on something because what you’ve always done has worked and is comfortable.
The problem with not trying new things is that we don’t stay the same. Or at least I don’t. I do look the same as I have since about age 13 but my insides are evolving and I need to allow myself to grow and be different than I have been before. Now, I pause to make something clear. I’m not really talking about bungee jumping, moving across country, getting a tattoo, or even wearing high heels more- all which I categorize as adventurous and edgy (which probably tells you a lot about me already :). This isn’t about being something I’m not. It’s about being MORE of who I am. Living, loving, expressing the way I was made to. Comparing myself (good bad and ugly) to no one else and relishing in all my talents and lack there of.
That’s where my hope lies. That as I learn to confidently walk at peace with who I am, those around me will feel at peace with who they are. And maybe, once we’re all at peace, we can engage in true love and life together- with no comparison, less judgement, more worship, rejoicing and mourning with one another and carrying the weight and joy of the days together. We all need more, right? More things to be personal instead of streamline or robotic, more affection and care for each other, more “go get em tigers”, more “take mine”, “let me help you” and more, always more “i love you”- in words and, even better, deeds.
So there it went. Not planned, no drafts. Just some of my thoughts. Not trying to be different- in fact I think blogs make people feel like we’re more all the same- which we are. I don’t promise to write every day, to spell correctly or to not talk about my baby girl Meg a lot. But, as my insightful husband reminded me, this blog isn’t really for you. It’s for me.